Words... story

Oreos and milk polished off...night of a long day.

So much on my heart and mind, so much to say.

Beginnings again, a new season a new time.

A place to come and share, express what is mine.

A welcoming back of sorts, putting life in words,

When words may be hard to find.

I find writing to be a joy, but never afforded its due space.

But welcome back words, here you find your release.

For me poetry is a creative outlet I have not found myself enjoying as of late. When life gets busy, the only writing that I continue is prayers between my Saviour and I. However, I have realized how He wants to use our words, our abilities....even when I hesitate!

This evening, an opportunity surfaced that will bring me face to face with putting aspects of my adoption story to words. Honestly, I do not know where to begin. The audience is other adoptees, adoptees who are struggling.. really struggling. Questions arise- what do I have to offer? My life has truly been blessed and I am surrounded and overwhelmed by love. But when it comes down to it, I wonder- what has held me together through these years, through the long journey, and not just the long journey of life, but the life of an adoptee...?

What is it that has granted me peace in the wilderness of questions?
What assured my heart that I was truly loved?

-Was it my parents who said the day they adopted me was one of the best days of their life?
-Was it the friends who related to my experience and knew how I felt?
-Was it the experiences of life?
-Was it the prayers of all those who have loved me along the way?

I ask these questions and wonder why do other adoptees who can answer yes to these questions- yes that their situations are similar- yet they do not have the similar affirmation of love and peace.

As I seek deeper, plunging further into the depths and corridors that exist in my heart... through tears, through pain, through joy and through gratitude.. I realize that truly and fully, it is God who has been the strength of my heart, the one who assured my heart. He alone has been my fullness of joy and peace. He alone has comforted the storms of this heart and He alone has shown me that my existence and being has purpose in Him. And to be honest, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that even if my adoption was different from the blessing that it is now, He is still good, still full of grace and I am still so unworthy... yet He loves unwaveringly and so intimately that makes my heart soar! The Lord not only cares for my heart, He is the overseer of my soul!

So for any adoptees struggling with the message of abandonment, of scorn, or shame or of rejection... turn to Jesus. His heart is for the orphan, for the abandoned.. He came to save those needy in heart. And boy oh boy does my heart need Him... day by day and moment by moment. The hope we have is not in people and even in being loved by people. That is a gift He has given, but the ultimate hope is in the love, grace, peace and joy He lavishes on those who seek to draw near to Him and follow the goodness that He is! In Him is freedom from despair and hopelessness.

So this is my story, these are my words... words of His daughter, adopted as His own. This is my story, a story in fact not of me, but of His awesomeness and glory!