Sunday, March 29, 2009

This chapter...

The end of this chapter of my life is fast approaching.

I find that as the pages are being completed one by one, part of me wants to continue on writing just a while longer. Yet as every chapter does, it will come to an end, a closing.

Thinking about this upcoming end, I feel reluctant to leave the place where transformation and change has occurred. However, in the midst of the apprehension of this ending, there is also hope. Hope in a the beginning of a new chapter and the opportunity for continuing aspects of previous chapters.

I feel torn :) I so long to return home to my family and friends, and yet I also long to remain here and continue in the new relationships and work that I have done. Seasons of life are wonderful, but the difficult part is the transition! But I am thankful for this season and the knowledge I have gained and grown from.

No matter what the season, the place, the people or the culture- there is always much to learn and a faithful and patient teacher to provide the lessons!

In coming to Romania, something I knew in theory but lacked in fully realizing, was this: my trials and struggles would not be any different here than what they would be at home.
Struggles and trials root themselves in the heart, and where I go, my heart goes! :)

For example, anxiety and worry are rooted in not trusting the Lord, or struggling to savor and seek the Lord could be rooted in a heart that is distracted by worldly things and not focused on that which is eternal. Changing location, setting and even culture will not change those struggles of the heart. I have found this out in an amazing way here, and even though there may be new struggles that result because of cultural differences, it comes down to the heart.

While here, it has amazed me how the Lord has created within me a greater desire for Him, a desire for a heart that is fixed on things above, on Him. What does it mean to truly "long for God" to long for Christ's return?
I feel as if my heart is coming alive to the truth that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him"!

My heart arrived at this question- do I long after God?

Do I desire him above all earthy things?
Is my prayer for His will and not my own?

But what brought me to this reflection I realized was not the different culture or a new location, but the truth that my heart was not satisfied and is not satisfied unless it is being filled with His truth, His love, and His grace!

No matter where we are, God is faithful to refine us and teach us and discipline us as His beloved children so that we may be transformed through His sanctifying work! The issue of complacency is not a result of location, but of the heart. I have learned that here in Romania, and am so thankful to go home, knowing that He who began a good work in us is faithful to carry it out to completion.

I want to run this race that is set before me with passion, with perseverance and with faith, with eyes fixed on Jesus!

In this chapter, this season of my life, there has been much change. The change is not external, nor is the change a result of "Romania" per say. Change has happened because of God's grace and work in my heart, it is being transformed and renewed day by day.

In God, my heart finds its satisfaction, peace, mercy and its ever increasing joy in realizing it belongs to Him- no matter the place, the season or the chapter of life.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18


1 comment:

Dave said...

Praise God, Lauren! It's great to see how honest you are striving to be. Just like the apostles...they were blue colar cats who screwed up but the key was that they didn't hide it. Keep after His heart, sister n finish the race well!